This is about something fairly alien to me - not being a driver - but, unlike most poems about things that aren't part of my 'world', I found it clear and easy to understand. It is direct, factual and un-emotionally descriptive. It had an immediacy that made me feel as if I was experiencing this along with you. Then when you get to the last three lines it is quite a shock after the building excitement of the rest of the poem - an instant karma! It actually made me laugh out loud although it's a serious thing to end up in hospital. It's like the punch-line of a joke because it is unexpected. The narrator has put "Hours of work" into this and then it ends in disaster! Was it your intention to be ironic? I would guess so since you seem very savvy.
Anyway, I thought it was a successful poem.

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THIS IS THE GATE OF HEAVEN. ENTER YE ALL BY THIS DOOR. (This door is kept locked because of the draught - please use side door.)

thanks for the in-depth response. yeah, i thought it would be most effective to put it in right at the end when the reader wouldn't expect it. i am glad that you feel it was successful. thanks again...

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~dev-IAN-t a.k.a. Ian
My Gallery

i like this and the fast paced structre but the last stanza was no where as good as the rest of the poem so i think you should work on it

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"If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat." Sun Tzu

hah hah sorry. This is a great poem very different from what I'm used to reading. The life of a racer is indeed dangerous, and I can just feel my heart pounding, because I know racing. (from knowing drag racers) I can really get a grasp of the things that's going on

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Reflection broken and shattered, I am many things, many people, I am anything but myself.
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I was all but losing 3 lbs of flesh to DragonLadysupreme made me

thanks for the comment... i am glad you could relate to the poem

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~dev-IAN-t a.k.a. Ian
My Gallery

no problem

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Reflection broken and shattered, I am many things, many people, I am anything but myself.
--
I was all but losing 3 lbs of flesh to DragonLadysupreme made me

i like the way you have placed the words of tghe crash!

i have one about a car crash called never again!!

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hold me close,
i beg you,
i can't survive alone!
> my gallery [link]

i like the way you have placed the words of the crash!

i have one about a car crash called never again!!

--
hold me close,
i beg you,
i can't survive alone!
> my gallery [link]

Atfirst I didn't quite understand, but then I realized that it was about cars XD ^-^ The wrd "Sitting," in the last verse is well used to slow down the poem, kind of like there's been an accident and the car's stopped ^-^

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- Donkey Dudette, the donkey that moos...

"Dude, I'm a donkey, not a rabbit."

*then runs away when she sees a giant floating piece of cheesecake*

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